Image source: http://www.brainyquote.com/photos_tr/en/y/yokoono/584494/yokoono1.jpg
Dear Reader,
My book Why Men Fall Out of Love is a series of first person accounts-by men of varying ages and backgrounds-about why they feel the way they do about their relationships. The subtitle could well have been "the good, the bad, and the ugly," or "what I never learned in kindergarten."
I wrote this relationship book because of my own struggles in a thirty year marriage, and that of a much younger friend falling out of love with his girlfriend and not understanding why. Over the course of three years, I spoke to many men, and coxed out their stories, which reveal similar patterns of disengagement and confusionbut also lessons learned and successes achieved in future relationships.
There's a lot to learn about understanding emotions from a gender that traditionally views confession as an act of treason, particularly when the subjects are commitment, security, happiness, intimacy, self-doubt and anxiety. These abstractions come to life in blazing color, page after page, with lots of "aha!" moments for anyone who wants his or her money's worth.
These men, sometimes subconsciously, give away secrets and clues about what they want, and don't want, from a woman; what determines how they treat their partners; and what really defines their happiness. Reading their stories is a way to crack the male Da Vinci Codeand to accept that men-the right man for you-can be truthful, loving, and empathetic.
Because there are so many ways to find help with a failing relations - couple therapy, self-help books, one-on-one therapy - it is important to find the way that you and your partner can benefit. Perhaps you are ok with being open and talking about anything with a stranger, but your partner is not. This also could be an explanation for why you cannot connect with each other. Life is a journey that you sometimes must take alone, and then regroup with others to "feel out" where you both are and where you are going. Look inside yourself and determine what you hope to accomplish, only then can you begin to find your own path to wellness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little bit of an interview with Michael French:
Q. What inspired you to write this book? Unlike most self help books, you try to really explain men's behavior in their relationships not with polls or statistics or expert opinion, but with case histories. I think your insights and observations will surprise a lot of readers. A. The book came about because I was having difficulty in my thirty year marriage, and because a close, younger friend was equally adrift with his long-time girlfriend. We began to talk about why men have trouble communicating their feelings, why they're sometimes intimidated by their partners, why they become unhappy often without knowing it, and how easily they give up when things get rough. We were surprised by our common insights. This launched my three year quest to interview fifty men and capture their stories and revelations in the book.
Q. Was it hard getting men to open up? A. Breaking the male code is not easy. I asked everyone to tell me in detail about one intimate relationship that started out brilliantly but ended up a crash and burn scenario. I asked for their opinion, not their partner's, on why things went wrong, and what they learned from the experience. Many were very candid on the phone, but in the end, only ten were willing to put their stories in writing.
Resources: You can order Why Men Fall Out of Love at these online retailers: amazon.com barnesandnoble.com booksense.com booksamillion.com
You can also find it at your local bookstore!
Author Info: Michael French has a B.A in English from Stanford University, and an M.S. in journalism from Northwestern University. He divides his time between Santa Fe, New Mexico and Santa Barbara, California. He and his wife, Patricia, have been married for thirty six years. They have two children, Timothy, a filmmaker, and Alison, who works in public relations and event planning.
